#Truth

Ok, so it is Friday, the Made to Crave Blog Hop was yesterday...but yesterday I was a little busy. In the morning my husband, oldest son and I ran errands at Noon we had an appointment for my son to be evaluated my autism.  Unfortunately we had to travel about an hour away to get that done.  Lots of time on the road yesterday.

I did discover a couple important truths about myself this week though. When I give up my sins to God, he is faithful to deal with them. In my last blog I talked about discovering a spirit of gluttony in myself.  A need to overeat and "supersize" everything I ate.  The root of this spirit goes back a long way and I won't bore anyone with the details. But the moment that I confessed this and gave it over to God, the truth that I have been living under changed.

It moved from, "If I don't eat this pizza, french fries, the large portion of spaghetti now, I may never get it again" the "if one hot dog is good then two hot dogs are better" too:

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...."

The truth is, God's grace, provision, love is sufficient....it will never run out....there is no need for me to be a glutton in the way that I eat. I live in the United States of America. My husband brings home a sufficient paycheck, we live in a wonderful home provided by the church that we serve, we have two vehicles to get around in, my children get a good education at the public school, I don't have to struggle, worry or beg for my families next meal, I go to the kitchen and find things there to feed them and myself.

And the truth is that only in His power, my weakness, my sin, my mind, can be overcome. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to the food choices and willingness to exercise.

I have spent years believing God's truth in so many areas but hanging on to Satan's lies about my weight, will power and abilities to do something about it.  I have been morbidly obese for almost 9 years when I was 210 pounds at the birth of my oldest son.  18 months later I delivered our youngest son weighing 232.  My highest weight got to 241 a couple of years ago.  I didn't see myself as obese or I would even say fat until the past couple of years. I have always clung to my internal image of myself as the skinny girl that I was at 12.

 The truth hurts sometimes but for me, this has been good. If you don't think that there is anything wrong with you, why fix it?

I am ready to believe God's truth through his scriptures and ready to listen to what he has to teach me. I was particularly hit by Chapter 11 in this weeks Made to Crave book by Lysa TerKeurst where she uses a quote from Ruth Graham talking about being victims..."Either we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above it.  Often it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and asked for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up...."
She goes on to use Deuteronomy 2:3 (NASB) "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north."

I have moved around the same mountain of weight gain and laziness for more then long enough. It is time for me to turn NORTH! Lift my hands toward heaven.

Delighting in Obedience

There it is......the Blue Bunny Chocolate Ice Cream container staring at me in the refrigerator. It looks at me EVERYTIME I go to the freezer.  That happens several times a day....

This week the word of the week in the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study that I am doing of the book Made to Crave by Lesa TerKeurst is #PEACE. This is week #3 of both the bible study and the changes to my eating and exercise habits that will get me to a healthy lifestyle.

Unfortunately the ice cream in the freezer will not do that! But in this week, I have found a peace in that ice cream container that I have resisted all week. It is a metaphor for my weight loss journey.  Chocolate ice cream is not a craving of mine but it is something I would gladly eat.

I have been staying away from refined sugars, putting sweetener in my coffee and staying away from candies, sweets, etc, etc.  While I can't say that I have even been a big sweet eater, sugar has been a staple in my diet. And a part of my frustration in giving up sugar is that I don't believe (as a nurse) that artificial sweeteners are a good idea.  There are too many chemicals in them and too little agreement from "experts" as to how safe they are.  With that said, I don't want to influence any one's decision about sweeteners but I will say I try to stay with sweetening products made from  natural products. Stevia and Agave nectar are two of my favorite when I need something for my morning coffee. Sorry....I can't do it black!

So, as I open my freezer to get my morning Jimmy Dean Delights sandwich or my Smart Ones frozen meal for lunch, I find that Chocolate Champion container looking at me.  It first it tauted me, now after 5 days, it makes me laugh.  Why??   Because I realized this week that I am the Champion, not the ice cream!

Obedience....one of my least favorite words. However, scripture is full of reminders of how important it is.  And in truth, without obedience to my exercise routine or meal plan everyday...my health will not improve. I was always pretty obedient to my parents until I hit college. It was there that I started making rebellious decisions. That was also when I rebelled against my Heavenly Father as well. So the idea of learning to Delight in Obedience especially as it relates to exercise and food is painful.

Why is it painful? Because I learned a truth about myself this week that hurts me to the core. It was revealed to me during my devotional and study time this week that I am a glutton. That is, what a lot of my issue with food is all about. Gluttony is defined is Webster's Dictionary as "excess in eating or drinking; greedy or excessive indulgence."

Proverbs 23:19-21 says "Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags."

Ouch!......The truth in that scripture convicted me.. I want to be wise, I want to keep my heart on the right path, I have been a glutton for food and during a different period of my life, material things as well (but that is a different story).  And if I look at the results of my gluttony, it is true that it has made me poor.....in health, in spiritual wellness and emotional drowsiness. My excessive appetite has lead me to a poor eating habits, high blood pressure and a lazy lifestyle.  All of the things that I am fighting against right now.

So back to the container of ice cream in the frig.......as I stared into the freezer yesterday, I realized that it was getting easier to shut the door without panging for a spoon to dig in to the container. God, in his mercy, has given his Holy Spirit with wisdom, guidance and love to heal me from this spirit of gluttony.  How do I know this? Well......I have started praying for God to replace the desire for eating to excess with a desire to eat less.  It sounds to simple, to easy, to good to be true...but since praying this way I have found a peace in my soul as I eat less at meals which is my downfall. I have found peace in the obedience of choosing better foods and eating less at one time.

I love the promise in Isaiah 45:3 - "I will give you treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord the God of Israel who summons you by name." It is the verse of the week in the study and I am taking it to my heart that as I do with less food, I am storing up treasures in heaven.

Now next week, I am going to tackle the exercise issue.....so, right now I am going to close and go put in my walking DVD...and pray for Spring! And laugh at the Chocolate Ice Cream container in the refrigerator when I get my pre-portioned lunch out!

God bless you today and everyday with treasures beyond your wildest dreams!!!
  

1 Peter 5:7-8

Okay, so I have had better starts to diets in the past. I am not exactly sure what has been my hang up...other then my own stubborn self that is. Perhaps that it is the knowledge that this time it has to be a complete lifestyle change...it means forever, it is admitting that I have been making poor decisions in my eating habits and my exercise habits. Poor habits that have to change.

There is anxiety for me in the idea of change.  I know that I am not the only one....never really talked to anyone who says they like change.  If you do, drop me a line, I would like to get to know you better.

So as I eat my Lean Pocket and Carrot sticks instead of those BBQ chips in the kitchen calling my name...

Let's take a closer look at 1 Peter 5:7-8.
I was curious about a few of the key words in the verse.

1. Cast- defined by the dictionary in terms: to throw; to throw with force, hurl; to shed; to throw forth, drop; to throw on the ground; to deposit; to turn or direct (as in eyes); and in Nautical terms to turn (a ship) change to the opposite tack.
2. Anxieties- defined by wikidictionary as "an unpleasant state of inner turmoil a feeling of fear, worry and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation.

So just the first few words spoke volumes to me:
I am suppose to throw, even hurl my anxieties, which are: my feelings of fear, worry and uneasiness (note they are usually unfocused and an overrection, hum).... It implies to me that I need to turn in the direction on God (turning my eyes toward), even turning "my ship" around to head a different direction (towards him) .  I was surprised bit as I looked at John Gills's Exposition of the Bible entry for this verse: (didn't see this coming) " ; the care of the body, and of all the affairs of life, concerning which saints should not be anxiously thoughtful, but depend upon the providence of God,.... as also the care of the soul, and the spiritual and eternal welfare of it, which should be committed into the hands of Christ, on whom help is laid, and who is become the author of eternal salvation."
Now on to the second half of 7- "for he careth for you;

for the bodies of his people, and their outward concerns of life, for food and raiment for them, and for the preservation of them, who will not suffer them to want, nor withhold any good thing from them, or ever leave them and forsake them; and for their souls, for which he has made provision in his Son, and in the covenant of his grace has laid help upon a mighty Saviour; and who has obtained an eternal redemption for them, bestows his grace upon them, and gives every needful supply of it to them, and keeps them by his power through faith unto salvation."

Hello!!! it talks about the body, food.......In the commentary!!! God cares not only, per this scripture reference about my spiritual well-being, but my physical one as well.

Humbling and a bit disconcerting too.

So....moving on.....

vs. 8a: "Be self-controlled and alert" 

Self-controlled is defined as "control of one's emotions, desires, or actions, by one's own will."  

Alert- "vigilently attentive; watchful (alert to danger); mentally responsive and perceptive; quick, brisk or lively in action." 

So I need to be in control of my emotions, desires and action and watch for the dangers to which I might befall quickly, lively....not slowly!

So in terms of my dieting......this verse tells me that I need to throw my fears, worries (about never having a dish of my favorite foods again) ...to my Lord who does care for me and every thing about me.  My body and food included. Then......I need to learn how to be control my cravings by my own will and be always on the alert for dangers to what I am trying to do by changing my lifestyle.

Believe it or not, I this really helped me in terms of my struggle against food choices.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

When I read this scripture, I hear the voice of God.  It's promise has carried me through the deepest valleys of my life.  Our God has plans for us. It doesn't matter what has happened in the past or what we are in the of...His plan is one of hope and holds the future....

Often in my life I have felt that whatever muck I was stuck in was all that there was for me.  The same issues, the same situations, the same for my future as was in my past...things would never get better. I often wondered, why!? Why was I always doomed to live this way, what had I done to be punished.  When others around me were getting blessings and success. 

It was then that I find myself looking at Jeremiah 29:11...a reminder that he is in charge, that his plans for to prosper me, not to hurt me, plans that promise a hope and a future. So I held on...clinging to that promise.  

One day I was reading on and discovered a nugget of truth that I had conveniently missed before. 

 "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you" declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity....." Jeremiah 29:12-14

Did you see what I missed for way too long? 

I have to call upon him, come to him and pray...he will listen to me.

I have to seek him with all my heart...I will find him. 

When I find him...he will bring my out of the captivity that I am living in..

I have discovered the truth of surrender..it is only when I surrender myself to God, when I humble myself to call upon His name and pray that I find him when I look with all of my heart.  I can't give him half of me or half of my situation. I have to surrender all of myself and all of my situation..

In this scripture Jeremiah was talking to the captives in Babylon, giving them the word from God.He a plan for them and after a time he told them that he was going to give them a new beginning and a new purpose. Just like for the people in Babylon, God used my time in unpleasant circumstances to prepare me for the blessings that he was going to give me in his time with his purpose.  

Are you experiencing a time of hopelessness or frustration? Take Jeremiah 29:11-14 to heart and see what he does with your obedience. 

Happy New Year!

All I can say is goodbye to 2013 and......HELLO 2014!

I am so ready for the new year and what blessings are in store for my family in the new year.  This year, in just a couple of more days, my husband will technically be a Full Time employee for the first time since we started on our journey serving God 6 years ago.

I know that God is in charge of our ministry and we had spent a lot of time in the last few years wondering what He was doing...waiting for fruit to appear. His timing is perfect even if I don't understand it. And believe me, I don't....

During our time of waiting, I have learned a few things worth sharing...
1. Just because you don't feel God's presence in your life, doesn't mean He is not there.
2. If you think that He has abandoned you,  check to see how far you have strayed from Him.
3. Sometimes it is good to just let God have his mysteries...we don't always need to know why things happen..

Here is my verse and word for word for 2014...

The verse is: "See, I am doing a new thing, Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wastelands." Isaiah 43:19

While I am not exactly sure what this verse will mean for my life, I do know that it is a promise for all of us..A promise and a warning.. make sure that you pay attention to the blessings (new things) in your life.

The word is "Generosity" - with new blessings comes a new responsibility to help others with what we receive in his provision and blessing. My heart's desire is that my family can begin the process, with our financial blessing to hope others in the same way that others have helped us over the last decade.

To everything there is a season....

God's Blessings in this New Year as we get to know our Savior and Lord better in this 2014!

#Enough

Thank you to Proverbs 31 ministries ACH OBS for the picture! 

Ok, so it has been a while since my last blog post! Sorry about that. I could try to come up with some lame excuses....but I won't.  Life is just pulling at me, and I am letting it pull me away from some of those things that I know that help me get through.  One of those things is writing, this blog is a part of that. 

So...in the Bible study I have been doing with the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, we have come to the end of the study and one of the questions that I am being asked to ponder is: "Is God Enough?" 

Yup!

That is it....that is the short answer...yesterday, today and tomorrow, the answer to "Is God Enough?" is "YUP" 

And how did I come to this answer? I am still alive. 

Over a decade ago, I came to a point in my life in which I was so frustrated with what was or was not going on in my life that I wanted to end it.  Now, it retrospect, there was nothing horrible that should have warranted my feeling suicidal. It was just that I was single, I wanted to be in a relationship. I didn't have any children, which I wanted more then anything. I was in a cruddy job that had no future room for growth. I was in debt up to my eyeballs and I saw no relief. 

Now I had been raised in Christian home. My grandmother and mother both had a faith in God that inspired many, including myself.  I knew from a very young age that Jesus loved me. I knew without a doubt that God exists. Those were things that I never really doubted. I knew that I could talk to God in prayer but misunderstood how he responded to those prayers. I had given my life to Christ in my early 20's but by my 30th birthday, I didn't have any of the things in my life that I had been praying for so fervently. A husband, children, a good job, an opportunity to pay off my debt...

In truth, I was fighting surrendering all of my life to him. I would give him something then take it back later.  There were things that I just held onto out of spite, I think.  So, of the 4th of July weekend a month after my thirtieth birthday, I travel to a motel room to "have it out" with God. I was living with my Grandmother at the time and needed some space.  I spend much of the 2 1/2 drive to St. Louis, where I was staying, thinking about ways to drive my car into an embankment or over a guardrail.  

But God was also working on my heart during that trip, because when I arrived at the hotel, I was ready to talk to him and listen for his still strong voice.  As I struggled to tell him how I was feeling lost, alone, hopeless, I slowly realized, as I read scripture, how much I meant to him. It took the first half of my three day personal retreat to stop arguing. It was during that last night and next morning that I was ready to listen.  That was when I heard his voice. 

It wasn't an audible voice per se, it was voice in my heart that told me: "Shelley, I will take care of you, in my time, in my way, if you give me all of yourself. I will give you the desires of your heart."  

The biggest desire of my heart at that time was to be married and have a family. I had finally over those few days begun praying that if I was never to get married that he would take that desire from me so that I would no longer pine for a man. 

In those last few hours of peace and quiet I/we began making lists of this I could start doing instead of pining of what I didn't have. Most of it revolved around becoming closer to Him by spending time in His presence and in His word, increasing my involvement at my church, working with a ministry outreach at my church, using my job as a platform for ministry......then I made a "deal" with God. If I wasn't married by my 35th birthday I was going to take a trip to Hawaii on my own and surrender to the thought of always being single. 

Now, to me that sounded reasonable..but in truth,  He was showing me that He was enough!

 God is in charge and does have a plan for my life. (See Jeremiah 29:11-12)   He wanted me to know that He was enough for me.     

Within two years I realized that a man that I had been hanging out with for years, was interested in dating me. He sent flowers to my work on Valentine's Day and it was a total surprise and shock to me. I had never seriously dated anyone before and I never would again.  Before my 35th birthday I was married, had a son and one more on the way. I didn't get to go to Hawaii and maybe never will, but I did figure out in that time of my life that YUP!.....God is #Enough...yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

John 8:9-11

"At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first. until Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Women, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'  'No one, sir" she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'"  John 8:9-11

So, there you are, surrounded by people who had seen what you've done.  It was your worst sin, one that you already feel terrible about and there they are all ready to throw stones at you... not just rock garden tiny white rocks that you can duck to miss. No these are big rocks. They are bigger than the hands of the people who are ready to throw them at you. They are not polished and shiny, they are ragged and rough, full of the ugliness of the world that they come from. 

And there in the middle of the scene stands Jesus, He steps in between you and them, stoops down and begins to write on the ground. As those around you argue about the justice that you deserve He calmly writes in the dirt.

What does he write?  You can't tell but eventually those in front of you can.  As Jesus stands up  and says to them, "If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then He returned to the ground and what he was writing.  The people watched him, taking their eyes off of you. Slowly the old among them drop the rocks and move away.  The young ones looked perplexed as they finally look around at each other, notice the thinning group and lose interest, walking away also. 

Finally Jesus looks at you, then at the abandoned rocks on the ground, and asks, "Where are they? Didn't anyone throw their stone?" 

When you answer with a "No"  then he comes to you, puts his hands on your shoulders and says, "Then neither do I....go now and leave your life of sin." So what do you do? 

While the above is a personalized paraphrase of the story in John, it was how I pictured myself in this verse. 
Standing in awe, waiting for the worst that both I and the others believed I deserve.  Jesus walked in, stood in front and waited for the outcome that He knew would happen.  

 He knew that He had come to pay the price for my sin and all of theirs as well. 

In the scripture Jesus asked the woman, "Has no one condemned you?" 

Let's look at the word condemn - the Dictionary.com say the definition includes the following:

•  to say in a strong and definative way that someone or something is bad or wrong. 
• to give (someone) a usually severe punishment
• to cause (someone) to suffer or live in difficult or unpleasant conditions
• to declare to be reprehensible, wrong or evil usually after weighing evidence and reservations. 
• to pronounce guilty

That was the pharisee's intention to have the group of people there condemn this woman that she was bad, give her severe punishment which could cause her to suffer after their evidence was brought before the people and she was declared guilty.

But what did Jesus do???? 

Jesus told her that He didn't condemn her either. He corrected her by telling her to "Go now and leave your life of sin" but he didn't condemn her.

In fact in Romans 8:1 we are given the promise "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." 

No Condemnation - no declaration that I am bad, no severe punishment that I deserve, no suffering, even if the evidence says that I am, I am not pronounced guilty. 

Isn't that awesome!! As I stand there surrounded by the rocks of my mistakes and sins, no one is going to be throwing them at me because they can't....they all are sinners like I am. And Jesus has said that if I am in Christ Jesus then he will not either."
Don't get me wrong...it is not a free ride.  My sin cost Jesus, His life. And I am called to repent, go and leave my life of sin. But because of who He is..I have no condemnation! 

Thank You, Lord!