Listening to the right voice

You know how sometimes in your head there are competing voices that tell you how stupid you are, what you did was wrong. Do you ever listen to that voice?
I do.
Over the years I have learned to be better about not listening to that voice of lies. However there are sometimes that I still allow the voice of truth to be drowned out by the voice of lies.

Last night was one of those times. I was at a meeting and gave an opinion that was not well received.  I get frustrated often because in this organization I have many years of experience in service in all levels of the organization.  I often fine that I am frequently disregarded  in most groups of people. It doesn't really matter the context whether it is professional, friends, family or in ministry.  I have never been able to figure out why people don't seem to think what I have to say is worth a grain of salt.

Now perhaps this is just my perception because of years of being weighed down by a rough childhood. Perhaps it is because I told my mother something once that she choose to disregard and I destroyed the innocence in our relationship.  What ever the reason...this is what I feel. And it is one of the reasons why I blog. It is the reason that I write...with a pen and paper at least my journal hears my hearts cry.

This is one of the ways that the enemy likes to pull me down and knock me out of the fight.Satan tells me that I am stupid for speaking up the way I did, that no one thinks I am anything but a stupid girl with a stupid idea. No one appreciated the years of blood, sweat and tears that I have put into this program and never will.
But, the truth is that God hears my cries, my opinion, my heart. I was also reminded this morning of another truth...
"..We were not put here to be all about about ourselves-we were put here to be all about God." (What happens when Women Say Yes to God by Lysa Terkeurst)

It is not about me...it is not about me....the words that I speak don't matter if my life is not a reflection of the love of Jesus.
So.....I am choosing not to allow the feelings of rejection to penetrate my thoughts any longer. I am choosing to forgive those people who had no idea they hurt my feelings and I am holding to the truth that I am a loved an cherish child of God. I matter not because of who I am but because of who He is.

Today is a new day.."Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Cor 5:17
Today I matter to the only one that really matters!

5 question filter

So remaining, for the moment, consistent to the #YesToGod Blog Hop- Today I am blogging about my recent experience with the 5 question filter from Lisa TerKeurst's book "What Happens when Women say say Yes to God!"

For those of you who are not familiar with the 5 question filter it is a way to test if what you are hearing is from God. The 5 questions to ask are:
1. Does what I'm hearing line up with scripture?
2.Is it consistant with God's Character?
3. Is it being confirmed through messages I'm hearing at church or studying in my quiet time?
4. Is it beyond me?
5. Would it please God?

I have been trying to decide what it is that God wants me to do regarding finding a full or part time job outside the home.  I have been a stay at home mother for three years, before that I worked full time in various nursing positions as an RN.  Our decision for my staying at home was because I was working to pay for Daycare and Health Insurance. I was not putting an of my salary towards our living expenses or bills. Also our then 3 year old had just been diagnosed with autism making finding appropriate daycare much more difficult in our small town.

Then Tues morning I received a call that required me to say #Yes to God.  A woman called after talking to my husband. They had discussed someone she knew who needed a place for her child to go after school in the same town that we live.  Now I have for the last couple of years taken in a neighbors couple of kids after school to help their mom out. I had never planned to watch other peoples children. I sometimes struggle to maintain a good attitude when I deal with 4 children at home for a few hours in the afternoon.  Adding another child to the mix would not be something that I normally would consider.

However from the moment that I got on the phone with the young mother struggling to make sure her child had somewhere to go while she works, I knew.  This was God's way of telling me that I was doing exactly what he wants me to do right now.

I took in my neighbors children to help her, a widow who suddenly lost her daycare the first school year I was a stay at home mom. This new young mom is a single mom who can't afford the after school program in our district. God is calling me to serve him by serving the widow, single mom and children.  They are His!
-Does this line up with scripture?  Yes James 1:27 - "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless to look after orphans and widows in their distress."
-Is it consistant with God's character? Yes-Jesus did not come to be served but to serve.
-Is it being confirmed through messages I'm hearing other places?  I have been praying that God would show me what I should go and then this call comes in....Our #YestoGod study has been talking about radical obedience!
-Is it beyond me? Yes- I can not take care of 3 children besides my own two without God being with me! (Even for just a couple of hours a day!!)
-Would it please God? I think so..He has placed in me the heart of a servant. Matthew 22:37-39-Jesus tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:'Love your neighbor as yourself."

I feel God's peace in my heart that this is the what he is calling me to and he will pull me through.

This will not help our families financial struggle but I trust that God will continue to provide for our needs and that if I am faithful with what He entrusts me with, the rest will work out.

With all My Heart

Deuteronomy 6:5 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."

This is the verse that I have been focusing on this week through the online bible study that I am doing with Proverbs 31 ministries. It is based on the book by What Happens When Women Say Yes to God." by Lysa Terkeurest.

When I broke down the scripture I realized that I had a lot to learn about loving my Lord. What does it mean to love God with all my heart, soul and strength.

First, what is love? What does that mean?
Webster's Dictionary defines love as "warm attachment, enthusiasm, devotion, unselfish loyalty and benevolent (marked by or disposed to doing good) concern of another person." It also defines love as "a person's adoration of God"

Ok, so just to love God I need to be attached to Him, enthusiastic about Him, devoted to Him, give Him my unselfish loyalty and do good for Him along with my adoration.

So does anybody else feel that they are falling short on loving God?

Now we move on to how we are to love him...

1. with all your heart- so me being me, I decided to look up heart in Websters. Here is what I found...heart is defined as:
- emotional or moral as distinguished from intellectual nature
-ones innermost character, feelings or inclinations
-the central or innermost part of the essential (most vital part of something)

So to love God with my heart I have to be attached to, be enthusiastic about, devoted to, be unselfishly loyal to, using my emotional nature, the innermost vital part of myself, to adore my Lord. And use that heart to do good for Him.

2. with all my soul - Websters says a soul is:
-immaterial (not consisting of matter) essence
-a person's total self
-an active or essential part
-the moral or emotional nature of human beings
-spiritual or moral force

So to love God with my soul I have to be attached to, be enthusiastic about, devoted to, be unselfishly loyal to, using my immaterial, total, active, essential part of myself,  my emotional nature to be a spirtual or emotional force for my Lord.

3. with all my strength -  Websters says strength is: -
-the quality or state of being stong (capacity for exertion or endurance)
-power to resist force (solidarity; toughness)
-power of resisting attack

So to love God with my strength  I have to be attached to, be enthusiastic about, be devoted to, be unselfishly loyal to, exerting myself solidly in my faith with toughness to resist attacks of Satan in this world for my Lord.

Alrighty then.......so...
So to love God with my heart , soul and strength, I need to enthusiastically attach myself to Him. I need to be devoted to and unselfishly loyal to Him. By using my emotions, the most  vital part of who I am, to adore my Lord. As well as to be a spiritual and physical force for Him iu the world. Doing good and exerting myself solidly in my faith, with a toughness to resist the attacks of Satan in this world.

Wow! That is all from webster's dictionary.

Once again I am reminded that we are called by God to love Him with all of ourselves. In turn we are called to surrender ourselves, all of ourselves for Him. . My NIV study Bible puts it this way, "Primarily in view here is the love shown by a subject to a king. To love King Yahweh is to be his loyal and obedient servant. Love for God and neighbor is built on the love that the Lord has for his people and on his identification with them."

I am reminded of Rick Warren's book Purpose Driven Life . The first four words "It's not about you"

Now that I know how I am suppose to strive to love God with my heart, soul and strength. I can use that

to say #YestoGod in all that he asks!  I am just grateful that he sent Jesus to cover me in His grace!

Yes to God!

Today I am beginning a new chapter of my life.

The children will be heading back to school and I am starting to think about what I want to do with my life this school year.
Cleaning and Organizing the house is one thing that I have to do over the next few months.  However, today the question that I am facing is....What is it that God wants me to do with the next 9 months of my life?

I am a planner, organizer (although if you came into the house this summer you might not believe it) and I love goals.  In the more than 15 years that I was in the work force full time, I learned that I am most productive towards the end of a dateline.  I also learned that I need accountability in order to maintain my productivity.

These days I am a stay at home mom (I am sorry if that is not politically correct but you will find that I am not very politically correct). As such I am still struggling after 3 years at home with three things:

• My weight
• Organizing my house and keeping it clean
• Finally figuring out what God wants me to use this time of my life for

When my husband became the Pastor at the small American Baptist Church that we serve now, we came here with a 18 mo and 3 year old. After 2 years in the work force, I realized that God was calling me to be home for my family. Since then our younger son was diagnosed with Autism Spectum Disorder. Know I understand why I was called to be at home but as we continue to struggle financially, I struggle with my decision to stay at home.

So, I am starting a new chapter beginning today....

  by starting the Proverbs 31 ministries online bible study on Lisa TerKeurst's Book:  "What Happens when Women Say Yes to God!"

 I will use this blog as I explore this study to share my thoughts and insights from the unique perspective of being a pastor's wife...and searching for where God is trying to tell me about my ministry field.